New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
