They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize