dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
