I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
