i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
