Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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