Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
