Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
