Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
