how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize