i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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