You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
