Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize