I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
