Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
