I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
