my room smells like sperm. sweet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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