And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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