I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize