I got chris browned last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
