I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You've changed since you got that strap on
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
