That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
