Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
