So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
