yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
