the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
