That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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