Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
