She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There's always time for handjobs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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