Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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