If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
