I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize