Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
