Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
two words: eviction party
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
