Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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