it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
