We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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