it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
