I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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