Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
