id be glad to
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
