no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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