The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
