Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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