Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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