and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
