I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
