I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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