Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
