Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
