Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
