it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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