One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
