Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
