Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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