I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
