Non-Jews are for practice
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
