dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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