do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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