I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
