Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
