Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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