the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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