Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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