i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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