the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
