I just saw a hot homeless man
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
