after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
