I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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