dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize