Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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