I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
