Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
