Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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