It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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