alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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