happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
