maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
