My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
