hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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