Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
