ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
