you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
