I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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