I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
