so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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