She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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