curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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