Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
