she pinky promised me she was 18
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
