i need an iv and a liver transplant
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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