I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
