last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
