In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
