It was confusing and full of hummus
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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