I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
