I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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