I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
