i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
