god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
