I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
