I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
